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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2012 2:52:24 GMT
Where is love when we need it the most?
Why do those with love only boast?
When will love come find me?
Without love I can never be free.
Why do I feel only hate?
Why is love always late?
My hate has caused the loss of my friends.
This hate has caused so many ends.
Please my friends, save me! It isnt too late!
Please my friends, dont leave me with only hate.
I want to be with you guys.
I just hope no one hears my cries.
Ill now end it all.
Now, because Im backed against a wall.
There is no return for me.
I hope Ill finally be free.
What are your thoughts, everyone?
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Post by Stove on Feb 19, 2012 2:54:29 GMT
I already told you mine.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2012 2:56:24 GMT
Then why did you post here? ;D
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Post by Indigo on Feb 19, 2012 3:16:38 GMT
Not bad, but the rhyming is on such a basic level it makes it kinda cheesy...
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2012 3:55:56 GMT
I did it in a rush without thinking. Also, the rhyming gives it some rhythm.  |
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Post by Death Eye on Feb 19, 2012 4:26:47 GMT
Being a self-proclaimed expert on rhythm in writing, I often see people in my English class writing with consecutive lines having, like, 3 and 13 syllables when that shouldn't be happening. You seem to have largely avoided that issue.
Aside from that, the rhyming isn't bad; your rhymes actually, you know, rhyme, so that's a plus.
Aaaaand that's all I can claim to be able to judge.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2012 4:57:54 GMT
I dont like syllable rythms. They dont sit well with me. They dont give me a taste of what the author is feeling.
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Post by Death Eye on Feb 19, 2012 5:18:21 GMT
I dont like syllable rythms. They dont sit well with me. They dont give me a taste of what the author is feeling. Huh. Well, that certainly shows what I know; I thought these "syllable rhythms" (which I'm not sure if that's an official name for that or not) were considered to be objectively better. Then again, I also can't really process abstract stuff like that in writing anyway; I can spot a simile and acknowledge alliteration, but as soon as it gets into anything you can't read on the page my mind starts freezing more than a computer running Windows 95. *got a 730 on the Reading section of the SAT* Okay, so it doesn't actually freeze, it just processes it through the wrong side of my brain or something so I find myself trying to approach emotions conveyed through writing logically... I think. And the Reading part of the SAT was half vocabulary anyway. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2012 23:10:13 GMT
Nice writing however highly depressing.
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Post by tatsurou on Mar 4, 2012 5:57:55 GMT
A very well written poem, but now I'm worried about you. Is there anything you want to talk about? (dammit, there's no emoticon for 'worry')
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2012 6:07:47 GMT
Nope! depressin is simply where I strive in literary epicness
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Post by tatsurou on Mar 4, 2012 6:13:54 GMT
Okay...if you're certain...
I only worry cause I care. (I thought that emote was 'hug')
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