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Post by Ultima Atulos Maxim on May 20, 2017 17:32:52 GMT
You look to me, and say I am good. Yet I am seldom understood. You know not of the entity, Which has corrupted my mentality. The archival copy of a frame of mind, Which I had long since left behind.
A beast not made of fang, nor claw, But of a rage that only few saw. A child of younger years, Who had encompassed others' fears. He lived like a tyrant, cruel and smart. Until someone managed to sway his heart.
She gave him a chance to save the day, A chance that had never come his way. A blackened heart of tar, Became one that was white as stars. But his elation was never going to last, Not for one with such a hideous past.
Ever since that fateful day, A new frame of mind had come to stay. The old mind ran and hid, Many farewells did it bid. But never did it fully leave my head, For my subconsciousness bore it's bed.
So now it is that you all see The truth of my sickening reality. A person's mind in halves, One of kindness, one of wrath. The wrath has mostly fade away, And yet the kindness began to sway.
So who am I, to you, dear friends? And will the changing ever end? I've been broke down to what I am, Sometimes fun, sometimes grim. An emerald polished, yet in the rough. Tell me now, truly; am I enough?
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Post by Ayano☆ULTRA on May 23, 2017 0:41:06 GMT
Pretty well written and a good personal theme. I like hearing about peoples way of dealing with their own duality with their art : ) I think you could improve on your rhyming style though because it would be more interesting if it wasn't just rhyming couplets :3 But critisism aside I get that it's kind of a personal thing and it's good that you have a way of expressing your feelings through an art form you like. May I suggest a few poets you might find inpsiring? Though they are technically rappers, it's more of a poetry movement and they should be viewed as poets, not rappers that talk about nothing. You might find something inspiring that will further your poetry :3 This will probably inspire you to write more about how you feel :3 youtu.be/RsASRyJwXMk?t=11sThis verse is probably the most inspiring poem I've listened to, it's so personal and definatly in the same vain of what you're doing youtu.be/3oVw4RL6NrM?t=4m37sThere's also this which has a load of interesting ways of rhyming, though it's more abstract. www.youtube.com/watch?v=xogecVMyNEwAnyway, I really hope you keep on going with your poetry, you never know what you might be able to do with it :3 Good work and keep it up :3
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